American Dad: The Men in Black Arrive
by TheCrazyPerson44
Summary: The men in black come to get Roger. How are the Smith family going to get out of this one alive?


Roger woke up one morning in his attic after having drank himself silly. He looked at the time.  
"Ah, man, ten o'clock am already? I'd better clean this place up" said Roger. Roger quickly got a broom and dustpan  
and started sweeping up all the food and broken glass. When he was all finished, he picked up his interstellular alien phone  
and began calling up his friends.  
"Yo, broheims, that was the best party ever. Not as good as my manajatwa with Dianna Rig and Winston Churchill, but close.  
Katherine didn't come? Why? Oh, yeah, sure I can see how she'd wanna liquidate her assets, but this is a bar, not a house of ill repute. Anyway, I'm gonna go downstairs and see how the fam is doing" said Roger. Although Roger had many parties with his friends back on their home world, he rarely ever had each and every one of his friends over at the attic of the Smith home. In fact, Roger was blissfully unaware of the fact this was indeed a risky move, many of his pals were escaped in-mates of Area 51's notorious S5. As Roger teeter-tottered downstairs, waddling into the kitchen like a penguin, he collapsed on the floor. Francine caught wind of this and fed Roger some herbal tea and continued to nurse him to health. Stan heard a knock on the door.  
"Stan, can you get that? I'm busy being Roger's hot nurse" said Francine. Stan answered the door. There, standing in front  
of him were two foreboding dark suited men wearing tuxedos, red ties, and dark shades.  
"Uh, yes is this Wendy's? I'll take a double cheeseburger and a Mr. Pibb" said Stan, who was still groggy and not rested.  
One of the men pulled Stan in by his shirt collar.  
"We are not messing around here, see? We've come for the Roj Poj, see?" said the man in the dark suit.  
"What's a Roj Poj?" asked Stan.  
"Roger! The little man eluded us for so many years. We noticed massive UFO activity on Google Earth over this area,  
so we finally know where he is after zooming in on your house-attic" said the man.  
"If you'd let me go, I'm sure we could come to a deal. I'll gladly give you Roger" said Stan.  
"Good," replied the men in black in unison. "But, if you do not bring him here in tree minutes, you're all gonna get it" said the men.  
Stan rushed over to Francine who was reading Roger poetry, and grabbed Roger from Francine's grasp.  
"We've been found out. Roger has got to go!" said Stan.  
"Aren't you going to tell the kids?" asked Francine.  
"No, they'll hate me forever. I'll just tell them you accidentally left Roger in the microwave" replied Stan.  
"Oh, I have to take the fall for this huh? I say we keep Roger, even if it means our lives. We're a family" said Francine.  
"Don't I get a say in this? I mean, I could technically clone myself using Zeta Reticuli technology and we could hand  
the Mibby wibbies the clone instead of me. They'd never know the difference" said Roger.  
"That idea...isn't half bad" said Stan, shocked.  
"Hurry up and do it, you know they could be recording our conversation right now" said Francine.

Later...

"Oh man, everyone I knew back home who had that fucking tech is either dead or disease ridden. How am I ever gonna clone myself,  
I'm not even in the right frame of mind" said Roger. Suddenly, he saw a huge bucket of clay marked "Steve's Clay"  
"Okay, I know what I'll do, this clay is the same color as my skin, I'll just make a clay mold of myself" said Roger.

Minutes later...

"I wish Roger would hurry up and clone himself. The three minutes are up. Are they trying to kill you yet?" asked Francine.  
"No, they're just tap dancing and singing Mary Poppins songs. Haha, this one can't stop saying my name" replied Stan.  
"Heheh. Funny" said Francine in a hesitant and worried tone.

Hours later...

"It's been way over tree minutes" said the men in black in unison, knocking down the door. Roger donned his best disguise and  
came downstairs with Steve.  
"WHAT? Men in Black? This can't be real. This is about as likely as James Bond falling through the roof and landing  
in our house after a parachuting incident" yelled Steve. Just then, a crack could be seen in the roof. Sean Connery came  
crashing down into the house unexpectedly.  
"God Shave the Queen" said Connery.  
"Wait, I don't get it. Oh, a Connery SH joke, yes now I do" said Roger.

Later...

"I'm Agent Smulder, a pyromaniac who's also a government paranormal researcher and member of the highly secretive  
and bogus Majestic 12 group. Here's your alien" said Roger, handing the Men in Black the Clay.  
"This is not an alien. This is clay. You think we are stupid?" said the men.  
"So, shoot us I guess!" said Stan.  
"Okay, now you will all get it" said the men in black. But instead of pulling out guns, they began taking their hats off  
and bowing repeatedly, while reciting Robert Frost poems.  
"Wow these guys are literate" said Roger.  
"I don't buy this. I think these guys are robots" said Stan.  
"Pour the clay into their suits they'll probly blow up" suggested Francine. Stan did as Francine suggested. And guess what?  
They blew up. Weird, but they did. This is just what happened, and I give you the cold hard fanfictional facts.

Scene cuts to Bullock in a secret room behind his office, smoking a pipe.  
"You know, the men in black have succesfully scared so many people into obeying them I don't think it ever occured to them  
that they would ever have to actually hurt anyone, so they broke down. I really need to work out those bugs in the kill-chips" said Bullock.  
Suddenly, a knock could be heard on his door. Bullock opened the door, and a sexy female reptillian alien answered.  
"My name is Katheryn C. Dragon, I'm applying for a black ops job, is this the right place?" asked Katheryn.  
"Yes, by jove, you're always welcome in my office Katheryn, there's plenty of job openings for all sorts of jobs, if you know what I mean.

But remember, what happens at the CIA stays in the CIA" said Bullock, closing the door, and setting his ipod to the song "Pour Some Sugar On Me"

He called up someone on the phone.

"Listen, Agent Quayle? Katheryn is with me, I can hardly believe it. If anything about our relationship gets out in say a document or something, be sure

to scribble BOGUS all over it in all caps. All caps is not retarded, contrary to popular belief. It gets the message across and is one hundred percent

badass-ery!" explained Bullock.

The next day...

"I can't believe we outsmarted those robots. That was badass!" said Steve.  
"We could still be in danger," replied Stan. "I think me and Francine need to go under cover"  
"Let's steal the clothes off of the melted corpses of the Mibby wibbies" suggested Francine. Stan pulled the suits  
off of the men in black and he and Francine began wearing them, along with the trademark shades.  
"We look like the most badass husband and wife ever" said Francine.  
"Yes, and we're on a mission from God" replied Stan.  
"Stan? I do have one question" said Francine.  
"What's that?" asked Stan in an inquisitive humble tone.  
"How can we be men in black if I'm a woman?" asked Francine.  
"With God, all things are possible Franny. All things. Wow, I must be picking up something from Roger. That is literally  
the first time I called you Franny. I'm glad he's back. Honest. I am. Let's go get a Mr. Pibb" said Stan.

THE END


End file.
